Re-commit TLS fix

Merge

Backed out changeset 099d8a102deb (committed too much)

Don't say we need TLS after we've already started the handshake

Add TLS socket to readlist before handshake starts, fixes major slow-down on TLS connections

Comment out debug logging for now

Remove linger option on sockets, made no difference, and I forgot to remove it earlier

Fix the last couple of places where we send strings from mod_dialback

Remove an incorrect line which I didn't add, and fix the proper way. Corrects the sending of stanzas over unauthed s2sout's. Also fixes mod_dialback to send stanzas and not strings.

Fix for s2s with jabberd2 (we weren't routing db:verify's over s2sout_unauthed)

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